Our society currently faces many social challenges and is filled with disharmony. Our environment and our health are deteriorating, moral values are being compromised and there is an absence of respect for us as well as others.

As parents, we have an obligation to our children and their future. If we cannot mirror an openness to change, we will set them up for repeating our mistakes over and over again.

For this situation to really change, change has to begin with us, the adults. Our children are resilient, full of life and open to new ideas. But for them to learn new life skills, we need to become better teachers.

When going through a divorce it is difficult to impose legislation for child custody as every family and every situation is different. It is, however, important to put your children’ needs first and consider what is best for them within your set of circumstances.

International divorce coach and author, Rosalind Sedacca, says that: “These are issues that caring, conscious parents should be deciding together with only one goal in mind – the very best interest of their children. Unfortunately, too many parents approach this issue as adversaries. When child custody becomes a battle, everyone loses. Parents are pitted against each other and innocent children inevitably pay the price. When custodial decisions move into contention, creating a scenario where lawyers, legislation and courts determine the direction of your children’s future, you not only lose power in your life, you lose harmony within your already fragile family structure. 

As tough as this process may appear, wouldn’t you prefer to make these decisions together, before you approach the court – and lawyers – rather than having them made for you? When parents let the negative emotions they’re feeling toward their spouses – hatred, hurt, disappointment, guilt, shame, anxiety, frustration, mistrust and more – influence their decisions about child-custody issues, they are sabotaging their children. It is selfish, insensitive and extremely unproductive to let your personal vendetta determine the relationship your children have with their other parent.
You are allowing personal satisfaction to get in the way of your parental responsibilities toward your kids. And the cost – to them as well as to you – will be high.”

Rosalind Sedacca is recognised as the voice of Child-Centered Divorce and founder of the CCD Network at www.childcentereddivorce.com. For the past three years Rosalind initiated activities for celebrating Child-Centered Month throughout North America in July. This is a time for parents, therapists, attorneys, educators, clergy and other professionals to remind parents about the importance of putting their children’s needs first and foremost when a divorce or separation is pending.

Rosalind reminds us: “We celebrate Mother’s Day in May and Father’s Day in June. However, our nation has been negligent in recognizing the honour and respect we owe to our children.”

It’s time for Child-Centered Divorce Month to become INTERNATIONAL in scope!

The importance of creating a Child-Centered Divorce can’t be stressed enough. We must work together to remind parents to put the emotional, physical and spiritual needs of their children first when facing divorce or separation.

It’s been long assumed that the role of the mother was most important. 70% of people agree that society values a child’s relationship with its mother more than it values a child’s relationship with its father.

Dads, however, are now coming forward to claim their rights and take on the responsibility of their importance in their children’s life. Unfortunately, in a separation, this still comes as a conflict. It’s one parent opposing the other parent.

Parents, mostly, both want what’s best for their children. They will go to great extents to prove this. It is time that separating parents, unless in extreme circumstances where they are a danger to the child, understand and acknowledge that their children DESERVE and NEED BOTH parents in their lives.

It is not about who is best or who does more. It is about the reality that your children are 50% of each parent and they need to identify with that.

Parents who “USE” their children to get what they want in a separation are being selfish and are not putting their children’s needs first. Parents who withhold maintenance money are not punishing the other parent for whatever behaviour they are unhappy about; they are putting a price tag on their children!

The troubled road to separation is no longer unmapped. We know the challenges that can lie ahead and we can therefore be better prepared for it. Divorcing parents have an added responsibility when they separate. Keep the focus on their children’s well-being -- no matter what led to their divorce.

As parents, it’s time we behave like adults and allow our children to be children. In order for our children to be children, adults need to be adults.

At SADSA, our “referred” lawyers and mediators follow a child-centered approach -- helping and guiding divorcing parents to discuss the future well-being of their children together.

SADSA’s Child-Centered Divorce Mediation Services are a resource for couples who want a divorce but do not want the usual two-lawyer divorce which often involves bitter feelings as well as costly litigation.

We have developed a complete mediation process and an in-depth understanding of each person’s feelings and needs, which enables you and your spouse to obtain a divorce and still remain on good terms.

Divorce is never easy. However, when you consult with SADSA’s Mediation Services, your needs and wishes are reflected in our desire to help you mediate your divorce as painlessly as possible. You and your spouse will be directly involved in every decision that is made regarding your children, your finances and your home.

Our pledge to you:

You can get divorced and still be friends.

Your divorce will be fair and equitable.

Your children will be protected - and their needs will always be seen as paramount!

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