January is the month when most divorces take place.

January 2012 will become a recognised International Child Centered Month to educate parents about how to prevent negative consequences for children during and after separation or divorce.
ALL professionals are invited to participate and contribute to make South Africa the next country to take action in creating the most positive and harmonious outcomes for families transitioning through divorce.

Our society currently faces many social challenges and is filled with disharmony. Our environment and our health are deteriorating, moral values are being compromised and there is an absence of respect for us as well as others.

As parents, we have an obligation to our children and their future. If we cannot mirror an openness to change, we will set them up for repeating our mistakes over and over again.

For this situation to really change, change has to begin with us, the adults. Our children are resilient, full of life and open to new ideas. But for them to learn new life skills, we need to become better teachers.

When going through a divorce it is difficult to impose legislation for child custody as every family and every situation is different. It is, however, important to put your children’ needs first and consider what is best for them within your set of circumstances.

The importance of creating a Child-Centered Divorce can’t be stressed enough. We must work together to remind parents to put the emotional, physical and spiritual needs of their children first when facing divorce or separation.

It’s been long assumed that the role of the mother was most important. 70% of people agree that society values a child’s relationship with its mother more than it values a child’s relationship with its father.

Dads, however, are now coming forward to claim their rights and take on the responsibility of their importance in their children’s life. Unfortunately, in a separation, this still comes as a conflict. It’s one parent opposing the other parent.

Parents, mostly, both want what’s best for their children. They will go to great extents to prove this. It is time that separating parents, unless in extreme circumstances where they are a danger to the child, understand and acknowledge that their children DESERVE and NEED BOTH parents in their lives.

It is not about who is best or who does more. It is about the reality that your children are 50% of each parent and they need to identify with that.

Parents who “USE” their children to get what they want in a separation are being selfish and are not putting their children’s needs first. Parents who withhold maintenance money are not punishing the other parent for whatever behaviour they are unhappy about; they are putting a price tag on their children!

The troubled road to separation is no longer unmapped. We know the challenges that can lie ahead and we can therefore be better prepared for it. Divorcing parents have an added responsibility when they separate. Keep the focus on their children’s well-being -- no matter what led to their divorce.

As parents, it’s time we behave like adults and allow our children to be children. In order for our children to be children, adults need to be adults.

At SADSA, our child-centered approach helps and guides divorcing parents to discuss the future well-being of their children together.

SADSA’s Child-Centered Divorce Mediation Services are a resource for couples who want a divorce but value keeping their children family intact.

Mediation is a voluntary process that can help two sides to reach an acceptable solution to their differences. A mediator can help the parties to examine ideas and options in a neutral, safe environment where you are both free to express your opinions. A Child-Centered Divorce is best achieved through Co-Parenting Mediation.

SADSA has an in-depth understanding of each person’s feelings and needs, which enables you and your spouse to obtain a divorce and still remain on good terms.

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